Amy's Story

Going Through Divorce......

It’s been about six months since me and my ex have been separated, and honestly, every day feels like a mixture of survival and small victories. Some days, it feels like we’re all just barely holding it together, but other days, the kids and I manage to find moments of peace, even laughter. It’s strange how resilient children can be, even when their world feels like it’s crumbling.

Let me start with the children because they’re my priority, and it’s their reactions that weigh the heaviest on me. Child 1's , being the oldest, has taken the separation the hardest. They’re old enough to understand what’s happening, but still too young to fully process or accept it. I think they feel like they have to be the strong one, which breaks my heart because that’s not their responsibility. I’ve caught Child 1 a few times trying to mediate between Child 2 and Child 3 when they argue or cry, almost like they think they need to step into a parental role. It’s hard to watch them carry this invisible burden, but we’ve been talking a lot, and I try to remind Child 1 that they don’t have to fix everything. We’ve started a tradition of having one-on-one time each week, even if it’s just a walk around the block or sitting down for hot chocolate. I want them to know they can open up without feeling like they need to protect me from their feelings.

Child 2, has reacted in the exact opposite way. They’ve become so angry, which I suppose is their way of dealing with the pain. The tantrums are more frequent now, and it’s been difficult to reason with them. I know deep down it’s not about the little things, like not wanting to eat dinner or refusing to go to bed. It’s about feeling helpless and maybe abandoned by my ex. Sometimes, when they’re in the middle of a fit, they’ll scream about how they want their family back, and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I’ve tried to keep the routine as consistent as possible for them, but there’s only so much I can do to fill the gap where their dad used to be.

Then there’s Child 3, my youngest. They seem to be coping the best, or maybe they’re just too little to fully grasp what’s happening. Child 3 still asks when Daddy is coming home, and it crushes me every time. I usually say, that Daddy lives somewhere else now, but it’s hard for my little one to comprehend. The innocence in those questions makes me wish I could protect them from all the hurt in the world. On the bright side, Child 3, is still cheerful most days. They’re my little ray of sunshine, always coming up with ways to make us all laugh, even when it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

As for me… well, I’m surviving, I guess. Some days are better than others. I won’t lie – it’s exhausting. It's overwhelming, not to mention the practical side of things. Managing the household on my own feels like juggling too many balls in the air, and I drop one at least once a day. Whether it’s missing a deadline at work, forgetting a school event, or simply not having the energy to make dinner, the guilt piles up fast. I’m constantly questioning whether I’m doing enough, whether I’m enough for them. I know that’s just the voice of self-doubt, but it’s hard to silence.

The hardest part has been accepting that my life looks completely different now. I never imagined myself being a single mum, navigating all of this alone. The loneliness is something I didn’t anticipate. I’m surrounded by the kids, but there’s a kind of isolation that comes from being the only adult in the room, the only one who has to make all the decisions, big and small. I miss having someone to share that load with, but more than that, I think I miss the version of my life that I thought I’d have.

I’ve been trying to carve out moments for myself, though it’s hard. Self-care feels like a luxury, and I often feel guilty for even thinking about it. But I’ve realized that if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be any good to the kids. So, I’ve started journaling in the evenings after they’ve gone to bed. Just getting my thoughts out on paper has been therapeutic . It’s become a way for me to process everything – the pain, the frustration, the occasional glimmers of hope. I’ve also started meditating, which is something I never thought I’d do. It’s helped to ground me, especially on the really tough days.

Financially, things are tight. We’re making it work, but it’s a constant worry in the back of my mind. I’ve had to cut back on some things, but I’m doing my best to make sure the kids don’t feel the strain. I’ve gotten quite resourceful with budgeting, and we’ve had to embrace a simpler way of living. It’s not all bad though. We’ve been spending more time outdoors, going on walks and picnics, things that don’t cost money but bring us together.

Looking ahead, I’m trying to stay hopeful. The divorce is still ongoing, and it’s been emotionally draining, but I know that in the long run, this is the best decision for all of us. The kids deserve a happy, stable home, even if it looks different from what we originally envisioned. And I deserve that too, I think.

No matter what I'm not going to give up trying to build mine and my children's new life.
Thank you for reading...